To identify what is not working, look for repeated friction in a specific situation. Record what happened, what you expected, and what made the desired action harder. Then decide whether the main constraint involves capability, opportunity, motivation, or a goal that no longer deserves priority.
This approach replaces “What is wrong with me?” with a question you can investigate: “Under what conditions does this problem keep appearing?”
Start with friction, not a verdict
Friction is a repeated point where an intention, need, or responsibility meets resistance. It may look like avoidance, delay, conflict, fatigue, confusion, or an unfinished task that repeatedly occupies attention.
A single bad day can matter, but it is not automatically a pattern. Begin with a personal baseline or the 30-minute life audit if your concern is still broad.
Useful signs of friction include:
- the same task is postponed in similar circumstances;
- a problem spills into several areas of life;
- relief comes from avoiding something, but the cost returns later;
- the desired action requires more time, skill, support, or energy than is available;
- you repeatedly pursue a goal that feels externally imposed or no longer important.
Keep a seven-day friction log
For one week, record only moments connected to the issue you want to understand. A few accurate entries are enough.
| Date and situation | What I intended | What happened | What made it harder | What helped or might help |
Describe events in observable terms. “I am lazy” cannot guide a change. “I opened messages before starting the report on four mornings” identifies a situation, an action, and a frequency.
Include exceptions. If the task was easier once, note what was different. Exceptions often reveal the support you need.
Use the friction decision tree
The COM-B model describes behaviour as an interaction among capability, opportunity, and motivation. It is a useful diagnostic lens, not a personality test. A difficulty can have more than one cause.
Can I do the action under current conditions
If not, examine capability. You may need knowledge, a smaller step, practice, rest, physical capacity, or a clearer procedure.
Ask:
- Do I know what “done” looks like?
- Is the first action small and clear?
- Do I have the skill, energy, and attention it requires?
Possible response: learn one missing step, reduce the size of the task, or schedule it when your capacity is stronger.
Does my environment make the action possible
If not, examine opportunity. Time, tools, access, competing demands, social expectations, and physical surroundings can enable or constrain action.
Ask:
- Is there enough protected time?
- Are needed materials available at the right moment?
- Does another person or obligation repeatedly interrupt the plan?
Possible response: prepare the environment, negotiate support, remove a cue, or change the time and place.
Do I still have a reason to do it
If capability and opportunity are adequate, examine motivation. Motivation includes conscious reasons, emotion, habits, expectations, and immediate rewards.
Ask:
- Does this goal matter to me, or am I acting from guilt or comparison?
- Is the immediate cost larger than the visible benefit?
- Does an automatic response occur before I reconsider?
Possible response: reconnect the action to a value, shrink the commitment, design a cue, or stop pursuing a low-value goal.
Is the problem actually a priority conflict
Sometimes nothing is broken. Two legitimate commitments exceed your available time or energy. The solution is a choice, boundary, or sequence rather than greater effort.
Ask:
- What would have to receive less time for this to receive more?
- Which commitment has a real deadline or consequence?
- Which one can be paused, delegated, renegotiated, or dropped?
Use Values vs Goals when the difficulty is deciding which direction deserves priority.
Classify the pattern
Use this summary after seven days.
| Question | Evidence from my log | Current conclusion |
| Is the desired action specific | Clear / unclear | |
| Is capability sufficient | Yes / no / uncertain | |
| Is opportunity sufficient | Yes / no / uncertain | |
| Is motivation present | Yes / no / uncertain | |
| Is another priority competing | Yes / no / uncertain | |
| What exception shows a useful condition |
Choose the narrowest conclusion supported by the entries. “I lack capability for this step” is different from “I cannot change.” “This goal is not worth the cost now” is a valid decision, not a failure.
Turn the diagnosis into one experiment
Match the experiment to the suspected source of friction.
| Suspected source | Small experiment |
| Unclear action | Define the first five-minute step before the scheduled time |
| Missing skill | Practise one component with a guide or knowledgeable person |
| Low energy | Move the action to a higher-energy period for three attempts |
| Distracting environment | Remove one cue or prepare materials in advance |
| Weak personal reason | Write the value served and decide whether to continue |
| Priority conflict | Pause one lower-priority commitment for seven days |
Write your test:
When [situation] occurs, I will [small change] for seven days. I will observe [one useful measure].
A worked example
Elena believes she is “bad with money” because she avoids checking invoices. Her log shows that the avoidance occurs late in the day when several invoices require unfamiliar tax classifications. She completes familiar invoices without difficulty.
The pattern points first to capability and task design, not character. Her experiment is to list the three unclear classifications, ask her accountant one focused question, and process invoices during a 30-minute morning block. She tracks whether she begins and how many invoices remain, rather than scoring her discipline.
When the decision is to stop
Stop or redesign a self-guided experiment when it is unsafe, materially worsens your wellbeing, depends on withholding necessary care, or requires expertise you do not have. A guide cannot diagnose medical or mental-health conditions, resolve coercive relationships, or replace legal or financial advice.
Stopping can also be the correct answer when the goal no longer fits your values, the opportunity cost is too high, or the constraint lies outside your control. Record the reason so the decision does not look like unexplained abandonment later.
What to do next
Take the calibration assessment if you need help choosing an area. If the friction is clear, carry one matched experiment into The Self Calibration Method.
Editorial evidence notes
- Michie, S., van Stralen, M. M., and West, R. (2011). The behaviour change wheel: A new method for characterising and designing behaviour change interventions. Implementation Science, 6, 42. Open-access article and DOI.
- Harkin, B., et al. (2016). Does monitoring goal progress promote goal attainment? A meta-analysis of the experimental evidence. Psychological Bulletin, 142(2), 198–229. PubMed record and DOI.